Maple Grove's Only Newspaper of Record—Vol. 1 No. 21—Edited by Mr. Ellison, Town Archivist & Historian
FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK
After a week that began with a school bulldog loose on the football field and ended with an actual criminal pursuit conducted by a private citizen in a personal pickup truck, this editor finds himself once again noting that Maple Grove's capacity for incident does not appear to be diminishing with the season. Readers who have followed the County Road mailbox matter since July will be glad to hear—this editor is glad himself, and admits it plainly—that this week's report contains an ending.
The particulars, as this editor has been given them: geese. Mr. McGregor spent a recent afternoon in the barn drafting what he calls "a permanent solution" to a goose problem that has plagued the farm's east pasture since spring, a project made more urgent by an incident earlier that same day in which their daughter Jenna’s dog, Biscuit, required rescue from a goose he had badly underestimated. It was after dark when Mr. McGregor walked back from the barn and heard voices at the end of his driveway, and beneath them, a sound this editor is told is best described as thwacking.
What followed, this editor reports without embellishment, because none is required. Mr. McGregor did not call out. He returned to his truck, and by the time the car at the end of his drive had pulled away, he was behind it—headlights off, the moon judged sufficient, the taillights ahead judged sufficient. He held back through a mile or two of County Road, through a crossroads, and onto a driveway of a fellow farmer. He did not go in blind. He waited until the car's occupants were out and standing in the open before switching his headlights on.
This editor is told the resulting scene involved three young men, ages seventeen, fifteen, and thirteen, several urgent requests that Mr. McGregor lower his voice on account of their sleeping parents, and a flat refusal. The parents were roused; the mother, by all accounts, was appalled. The father required no assistance from Mr. McGregor in expressing his own views, which this editor understands were extensive, and which Mr. McGregor allowed to run their full course without interruption. Mrs. McGregor, informed over coffee the next morning, said only that she wasn't surprised, and asked whether he'd remembered to feed Biscuit. By eight o'clock the following morning, three boys were on the McGregor porch with a new mailbox and the tools to install it. Per their father's instruction, they will be reporting to the McGregor farm every afternoon and weekend through the end of harvest. chief Carter has been informed of the situation and is in full agreement regarding atonement.
By Tuesday, the story had reached the diner, which this editor understands is the only venue in town where a true account improves with retelling rather than the reverse. Mr. McGregor's truck, in the earliest versions, followed the car a mile or two down County Road; by Wednesday the distance had grown to "the better part of ten miles"; by Friday, at least one telling had him making the entire run without headlights, moon or no moon, and pulling in behind them one-handed. This editor spoke to Mr. McGregor directly and can report the true distance was closer to two miles, the headlights came on well before the confrontation, and both of his hands, throughout, remained where the manufacturer intended. Mr. McGregor declined to correct the diner's version. This editor suspects he has earned the right.
📜 POLICE BLOTTER
MAPLE GROVE POLICE DEPARTMENT—INCIDENT REPORT
Reporting Officer: Officer Wilson Week of: August 29 -September 4
County Road—Property Damage, Case Closed. This department's open file on the County Road mailbox incidents, opened in July, is closed as of this week—not, Chief Carter wished it noted, through any action of this department. "We weren't consulted," the Chief said, "and having reviewed how it came out, we don't have a complaint." No charges were filed; restitution was arranged privately between the families involved. Final Disposition: Closed. File transferred to archive.
📋 COMMUNITY NOTICES
Loose Geese—County Road, East Pasture. Motorists and walkers are advised the geese remain at large pending completion of Mr. McGregor's pen, expected "any week now." Cyclists in particular are encouraged to give the shoulder a wide berth.
Farm Help Wanted—Filled. The McGregor farm's need for weekend and afternoon labor through November has been resolved via private arrangement. No further applicants necessary.
Fall Farmers Market—Saturdays through October, 9:00 a.m. to noon, the green. Vendors report a strong tomato year and an unusually competitive pumpkin bracket already forming ahead of the October weigh-in.
🏛️ HISTORICAL NOTE
This editor, in the course of closing the McGregor file, took the opportunity to review the mailbox folder in full rather than merely its recent contents, and reports the result with some surprise. The folder's oldest clipping is dated 1958: a Gazette item reporting that three county boys had been apprehended for what the article calls "the wanton and repeated destruction of United States mail receptacles by means of a Louisville Slugger," at what this editor gathers was roughly the moment newly licensed teenage drivers and newly standardized rural mailboxes first arrived at the same conclusion about each other, nationally, at once. The practice, in other words, is not new. This editor offers the historical record without further comment, except to note that the Gazette of 1958 used a great many more words to say a great deal less than this editor has managed above.
🔍 Fellow Sleuths Worth Following
This week I'm sending you down to Tansy Ridge, where the lake is calm and absolutely nothing else is. Fellow sleuths, meet Daphne Cole.
Murder Makes Ripples by Cora Finch drops a true-crime podcaster into the middle of Lake Days week, has him dead within a day, and points every piece of evidence at the town sheriff. Daphne—bookstore café owner, one very large Old English Sheepdog named Mooney at her side—isn't buying it. Neither will you.
FREE READS—SEPTEMBER TITLES
Back-to-school chaos calls for something you can pick up and put down without losing the thread. This month's free shelf has you covered.
Browse September’s Free Books →
🍽️ THE MAIN COURSE
Every September I get the same question: where do I start? Right here. Scones, Secrets, and Sabotage is Book 1, it's free, and it's the reason Jenna McGregor ever got tangled up with murder in the first place—a spilled bag of flour, a body in the pantry, and a golden retriever who is somehow already a suspect. If your afternoons have gone the way mine have this month—snack, backpack, one more load of laundry, repeat—this is the book that fits in the cracks. Start reading free →
✍️ Behind the Scenes
My granddaughters are still adjusting to the school-year schedule. All summer they stayed up too late, and now that the bus comes before 6 a.m., they arrive at my house every afternoon half-asleep, and I've spent the week feeding them a snack while they blink their way back to consciousness. No homework yet, so we've got a little runway before the real test hits. Also: the dishwasher died this week. We're replacing it this weekend. That's the whole report.
See you next Saturday, fellow sleuths—same town, new trouble.
— Willow 🌿
Meet Willow
Author, School Board member, and gluten-free baker. I write the Jenna McGregor mysteries from my home in Michigan, fueled by coffee and Peloton PRs.
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